70 things not to say to small
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. I'm sorry.
4. Never mind, why bother.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don't we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It's more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn't know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won't take long.
36. Let's just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you're done.
50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it's hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat???
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Don't hold back.
New additions from CL:
71. Did you get enough to eat
72. Come on, push all of it in.
73. I don't think this condom is going to work properly, what if it
74. Look how my hand covers almost all of it!
75. You have such a pretty face, but I wish your nose was bigger.
76. I want to watch TV while you do it, that turns me on.
77. If I fall asleep you can keep going.
78. Hurry up, you're not done yet?!?
79. Well, since we're in private I guess I can do this.
80. Are you finished, I can't tell?
81. What are you going to do, write me a letter with that leaky pen?
82. Wow, you've sharpened your pencil quite a bit hugh?
83. It's too early for a flu shot, thanks anyway.
84. Now I know what my friends mean when they talk about using one or
two fingers instead of giving an actual "hand job".
85. Wow, I've never been able to jerk someone off using only my thumb
and index finger tips, this is sooooo easy!
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"I think my penis is too small" he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, Lager" he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, It shrinks things those Lagers.
You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big
smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size.
He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump
him when she sees the size.
One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he
decides he will show her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small
dick, and shoves it into her hand.
He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.
His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."
There was this couple who had gotten married, and were
in the hotel room about to start their honeymoon. Just before the groom
removed his pants, he looked at his bride and said " I have to tell you
something, I am like a baby in the genital area". She smiled and comforted
him by saying that he would be fine. The groom removed his pants, and the
bride's eyes bulged out of her head when she saw he was hung like
Godzilla. He said, "I told you I was like a baby...7lbs, 2ozs, 22 inches
for us small boys:
Phone Call Fun
Via phone call:
Phil: By the way, man, I heard a new joke! What has a small dick and hangs
Bob: Uh, I dunno... a bat?
Phil: Good! Ok, now what has a big dick and hangs up?
Bob: Uhm, I don't know, I give up.